Motherhood

We’re Printing T-Shirts: “I licked the toilet and lived.”

Dear teething ring designers: You really missed the mark. Yes, I know your products are soft, and textured, and can be chilled – all features that should provide maximum comfort for my son’s gums.  But what were you thinking?  We all know it’s much more soothing to chew on furniture, or books, or a mother’s arm.  I’d recommend you go back to the drawing board and crank out some teething rings in the shape of these objects.  Squares and circles are just too boring.  Until then, I’d like my money back.  Our toilet lid seems to be working just fine for my son.

Wait a minute, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.  Really?  The toilet?  Of all the things he could chew on, he finds the most disgusting item in the house.  I mean I try to relax when it comes to parenting.  I don’t freak out about a lot of things.  I let him crawl in the grass, play with animals, climb and explore.  I even let him ride in the shopping cart without one of those fabric inserts – a decision that earns me judgmental glances from all of the “better” moms in the grocery store.  You know, the moms that make assumptions that because I expose my son to a few germs (which I think is a good thing), I probably let him play with scissors and drink Coke from a bottle.  Those moms.  Now I have a response the next time it happens.  When I get one of those “looks” that insinuates I’m practically bathing him in bacteria by letting him ride unprotected in the cart, I’ll just smile and say, “Oh, don’t worry.  He licks the toilet all the time at home and he hasn’t been sick yet.”

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2 thoughts on “We’re Printing T-Shirts: “I licked the toilet and lived.”

  1. Some babies like to chew on wood & Eve couldn’t get enough of my keys. Talk about germs. I almost went & bought a set of her own.

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